Bisexuality by a Different Definition

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My sexuality is not something that I talk about too often mainly because in the past I did not feel the need to do so. Though I do enjoy particular things about people more than others, I have never had a specific or particular type; I know when I like someone and I know when I don’t. I also always thought talking about my sexuality only added to the “taboo” of it all, but in reality, sexuality will remain taboo until we are able to comfortably discuss it without it being “weird,” “secretive,” or “gross.” In the past, I did not like the concept of “coming out” because it relies on the assumption that everyone is straight. However, in the world we live in today there is unfortunately an assumption that everyone is straight until proven otherwise. For many people, coming out is important and empowering. Oftentimes people live their lives confused or lying to both themselves and other people around them, thus making coming out such an instrumental and defining moment in their lives. I would never condemn the coming out movement for this reason alone, but I do hope that we will get to a point in which queerness is normalized and assumption of one’s sexual orientation is not.  With that being said, I have never formally “come out” to any of my family or friends, but want to talk a little more about my sexuality in this post. 

I started exploring my sexuality at the ripe age of 7 with one of my friends in elementary school. Extremely out of pocket and on school grounds, but I will absolutely not get into that. As of now, I would define myself as bisexual, however, not necessarily on the grounds that I am attracted to men and women, but rather femininity and masculinity.  Bisexuality is definitely a spectrum and I am not smack dab in the middle, but moreso attracted to both femininity and masculinity to varying degrees. As everyone possesses a sense of masculinity and/or femininity, I also go by this definition to be inclusive of gender nonconforming or genderqueer people, agender people, and nonbinary people. Some may describe what I say here as pansexual and if that is how you define pansexuality, then so be it. Ultimately, I agree wholeheartedly that gender is a social construct and completely made up. And I guess in that case the very definitions of masculinity and femininity are as well, but the existence and expressions of what we call masculinity and femininity are very real. “Femininity” and “Masculinity” just happen to be the two names we made up for these expressions, and for the sake of sanity, that is what I will stick to (for now at least). 

I came to this realization about myself in college, honestly not too long ago. Understanding this about myself has been pretty helpful, though I think I knew it for a while, I just struggled on how to define it. Unfortunately, there is a stigma around the concept of bisexualtiy and a lot of that has to do with ignorant people bluffing their sexuality as a means for attention. I do hope that we may get to a point in which bisexuality, homosexuality, demi-sexuality, asexuality, and all other queer sexual orientations that I did not mention, are defined in appropriate manners that are inclusive and representative of the populations in which they constitute. Much love ❤

4 thoughts on “Bisexuality by a Different Definition

  1. I loved this post, thank you so much for sharing! I completely relate to the whole not coming out because of the assumption of automatic straightness from birth! You should listen to Two Twos podcast episode 69, they talk about attraction to femininity and masculinity. There is a name/label for it but I have forgotten what it was🤦🏾‍♀️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much!! I’m so glad you also relate on some of the things I mention in here. I will absolutely check out that podcast thank you for the recommendation!


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