For the past month or so, I have felt so discouraged and unmotivated to do things. I have been so critical of myself and feeling a bit lost and confused. Lost in terms of how exactly I will reach my goals in life, and lost within myself as well. Recently, I decided to try something to help me feel less lost and ultimately come into who I really am as a person. And that is a sure, confident person who knows what’s best for her and is not afraid to be who she is. Someone who no longer restrains herself for the sake of other people and is not easily influenced or triggered by others’ thoughts and actions. I talked about this briefly in a previous post, “Why You are Already Perfect,” but sometimes I care way too much about what people think of me to the point where it keeps me up at night (anxiety is so sexy), while other times I seriously could not give two flying fucks. But when I do care, it really gets to me and sometimes prevents me from being who I really am and showcasing my uniqueness, and the talents that go along with it.
So what I did was take a step back and see myself in the eyes of a judge or lawyer. Free of any bias or subjectivity. Free of any emotions. No longer taking to heart what others say, think or feel about me. Truly becoming my own person. My ultimate goal is to rewrite or re identify my feelings about myself. To find the previously “bad” traits in myself and learn to love them unconditionally. To discover that all along, they weren’t even bad. This may not be the case for everyone, but for myself, there were a lot of things that I was criticized for that led to the rejection of some thoughts and emotions at a young age. Unfortunately, the suppression of these thoughts and emotions played itself out until adulthood. And I do believe this is the case for many others outside of myself. In addition to that, I was always the “black sheep” or “weird” one in my immediate family growing up, and this too led to the suppression of some prominent traits within myself. In reality, I was only “weird” in the context of the limited environment I was in. Nevertheless, this is why it is so essential to move forward without any judgement. I am starting over as though I am a child and exploring things in life freely. As though I am a new person and yearning to learn more about myself. I lost myself so much and have been lost for countless years, but this is the chance that my angels have given me to start over and come into who I really am. I cannot wait, and I am so excited to be me. Everything that I envy or admire in other people, wishing that I could be like them, I have within myself. Most of us do, we just haven’t come into that part of ourselves yet. If whoever may be reading this decides to get to re-know themselves as well, I would urge you to really take your time. And while it might feel weird to do so, actually write this down. I am not yet finished but I will be using a plain pencil and paper. There is no secret formula or anything, simply write down things or traits about yourself and objectively look at them and come to conclusions about what they mean. This goes for your physical body as well. Try to look at yourself in the mirror as though you are not yourself and name all of the things you love. Don’t get me wrong, this is not necessarily easy, but it wont work if you don’t really really try. It may be hard to objectively do this, as we have ingrained into our minds that some traits are automatically bad, but I do urge you to try and forget about all of that as well while you engage in this activity. Do what works best for you.
I did not share my results here yet, but I plan on creating an extra post going into much more detail about this process. Please comment if this is something you would like to see!